Snowdrift
by YumeTakato
Summary: Haibara left him, left him to loose himself over time with her final words and regrets. Looking over the past, he finds himself unable to endure it all anymore... And then... She came back home, reminding him of the memories lost. [RanXShinan, ONE SHOT]


Takato: I hope this all makes sense in the end (please tell me if it does… I'd highly appreciate it). I started it on a whim, with full intent of it being a stand alone ONE SHOT, without any follow up. I still have 4 other fan fics to complete, so please, don't ask if this can be continued. In fact, if you feel so inspired, make up a follow-up drabble to it of your own, and make sure I get a link of it, since I like knowing about fics/ideas for chapters that I've inspired. (I happen to be able to have my plunnies attack other authors. I giggle every time it happens.) I also have my Shigure plushie now -pets him obsessively- so I'm happy, along with 2 Naruto headbands… Ah… the coolness of having online friends for several years (I have like… 1 on and off fan fiction dot net author I talk to… Someone please IM me? I like talking to people! Really! I do (I'm on later in the day usually)! My AIM is BokuraXtremeHope! It's that.. Uhm…simple…uh…. -dies- Anyways. The Moogles will attack Conan for every review not made- and yes, they can injure the poor boy (Conan: Wha? -Moogle plushie tackles him- OH GOD NO! NOT AGAIN!) so… Yeah. Review my lovelies, and spread the holiday cheer. Gaia's been killing me on the inside as of late along with Shadow the Hedgehog.

-disappears into a flurry of white Sakura petals-

Mrew!

(Conan: -fixes his broken glasses and wriggles the Moogle off of his leg as it tried to chew it off- Please remember Takato-chan doesn't own me, or anyone else, and that she seriously wishes she had some ¾ leaf clover jewelry to… Hey wait! What the crap is up with this added script about jewelry?

Inuyasha: She sort of gave herself a heat stroke today I think… so she's not thinking straight.

Kyou: -raises eyebrow- But.. It's winter! There's SNOW!

Inuyasha: Not that I care but… that's what she told me. She left the details out.

Yugi: Otherwise, Takato plainly calls it her almost-black out.

Conan: ..Right. Onto the… fic -shudder-)

* * *

_"I cannot be reborn. But I can change as I go on, so let's stay together always. Smile only at me and touch me with those fingers. This simple desire is everlasting. I want things to be simple. Let's finally get across this sea of mournful sorrow. For instance, even if today is painful, someday it will become a warm memory." _

-For Fruits Basket, Itsumo

* * *

The wind blew harshly against his now paling skin, summer and fall having ended. A red scarf wrapped tightly around his small thin form as he trudged through the deep snow that seemed to go over his calves. It had been snowing abnormally hard this year, in Tokyo.

Breathing out a large puff of warm air into the frigid wind, he stopped at a stoplight, his glasses fogging slightly from the heat of his breath. The wind shifted his dark brown hair that was slightly matted due to the falling snow. He shivered, and pulled his jacket closer to himself.

His blue uniform was pretty much shot, and would need to hang to dry…

He smiled bitterly, his blue eyes tearing up slightly form the cold. He chuckled softly, thinking on how he was finally 14 years old, even though he should really be…

No.

He couldn't think back to _that time_. He was Edogawa Conan, and _not_ Kudo Shinichi.

No matter how much he wished for it, now matter how many times he'd wished Haiba-…Ai was alive again.

Ai had given them so much… saved them even. Of course, she had saved him every single day she had been there, with him in the classroom as he went through each day lazily with impatience. He loved his classmates dearly, like an older brother (and he was glad he could actually begin to hold more adult conversation with them, instead of lame child-like one's) watching his siblings grow, along with his cousins and so on.

Ai would have liked to have seen them grow up, like he had…

After Ai had died… he had nothing, and no one.

Ran had been away at college when it'd happened… When the Organization attacked them for the last time.

They lost, horribly… Undeniably, they lost, even if most of the Organization was gone…

Kudo Shinichi was still unsafe…

And all their efforts felt wasted.

Haibara Ai had died along with them.

At first, he was in shock, unable to comprehend the fact she was _gone._

His life as he knew it, was _over._ Kudo Shinichi died as soon as he finally came to terms with it all, and became Edogawa Conan.

Ayumi drifted from him, though she would still hang out with Genta, Mitsuhiko and him, she had drifted to her own group of friends. He had been glad when he realized this change, because that meant _she_ had moved on, and had started to venture out on her own into the world.

Out of the three kids, Mitsuhiko was the most shaken over Ai's death along with him. When he'd realized it, he immediately seemed to think of Mitsuhiko as a new lifeline, talking and opening up to the more than he had to anyone, even Ran when he had been Shinichi.

There were still many things he kept secret from him, yet, there were times he wished he could speak of Ai's last words to him.

_She looked to him, her eyes shining slightly in the damp and dim room, "Kudo… You know this is the end, correct?"_

_He blinked, unsure of what she was saying, "What do you mean?"_

_She paused before giving him her mysterious little smile, "I have taken the path least taken… A path that lead me to you… to this place…"_

_His eyes softened, "Haibara…"_

_She turned, and 'hm'ed' softly before she started walking away from him, "Ich liebe Dich…"_

His eyes snapped opened as he realized he was already at the Mouri Detective agency.

It had taken him several days to figure out and remember what Haibara had spoken to him… But one thing he had realized over time, was that Ai had never regretted crossing his path, and had loved him. _Him_ of all people!

He ran a hand through his damp hair as he opened the door, "Tadaimasu…"

Kogoro shifted the day's paper down to look the boy over, "You look terrible, boy."

He smiled slightly to himself, "I feel terrible too, Old Man."

Kogoro glared at him a bit before taking a swig of his beer and reading the paper again, "Go make some dinner."

"Of course."

Of all the things Shinichi had never imagined himself doing, it was cooking. Well really, not _just_ cooking (he had to learn that when he actually was 13 _originally_but cooking for Mouri Kogoro.

Why he stayed here, he hadn't really figured out still, but one thing he did truly appreciate was not having to have a huge mansion to himself, with past memories to haunt him.

Sure, he was haunted a bit here, but he also had several other memories and reasons for staying that combated them.

Such as, keeping Kogoro from selling all of Ran's stuff, and keeping the old man from killing himself with alcohol or food poisoning.

It had been pretty amazing that he, little Conan, had managed to wean Kogoro off alcohol quite a bit since Ran went away for college. It had been so amazing, that Eri had decided he wasn't all that bad, and had started keeping in contact with Kogoro and Conan more often. Ran was glad that this had happened, even though she wished it had been her to bring her parents back together, but Conan always reassured her that all of her efforts now hadn't been in vain, and she felt a bit better.

After eating and cleaning dinner, Conan laid back on Ran's bed, breathing in her scent and shifting himself to copy the position left in the mattress from when she would sleep there herself.

It was December, it had been a good year and a half since he'd last seen her, and he had slowly lost hold of himself since then.

He placed his glasses on her nightstand, and closed his eyes, burying his face into her pillows as he felt sleep tug at the back of his senses. Conan smiled, and slowly let himself drift to sleep as he remembered the past, the days that he and Ran had been together, and Ai had been alive.

_Mitsuhiko looked to him curiously as they stood in front of the Kudo establishment, "Conan-kun… Why are we here..? This place is _creepy_." _

_He smiled at Mitsuhiko, waving him off slightly, "Don't worry about it, it's not all that scary."_

_The other boy, 11 at the time, looked at the building a bit apprehensively before he finally rolled his eyes and shoved the poor boy through the gate. Mitsuhiko squawked as he followed him in and closed the gate behind himself. _

_He laughed lightly, "See? That wasn't _too_ bad now, was it?"_

_Mitsuhiko huffed and pouted a bit, "You weren't the one pushed in."_

_Conan shrugged and continued past the other towards the front door. Pulling out his key, he started to unlock the door before Mitsuhiko stopped him, "But.. But Conan-kun! I really don't wanna go in there, and besides, isn't this breaking and entering! We could get arrested!"_

_Conan blinked before laughing, "No no, Mitsuhiko, I have the _key_. It was given to me a long time ago, and if you calm down and listen to me a bit, you'll learn a bit."_

_Mitsuhiko thought it over, before looking to him again, "Isn't this… Shinichi-niichan's house..?"_

_Conan shushed and pulled the boy in. He turned the lights on as Mitsuhiko stared in wonder, curious and confused, "So… Conan-kun… Have you been here before..?"_

_The light smell of settled dust and disuse was in the old Kudo home, which in turn unsettled Shinichi a bit as he went over to a few of the windows and opened them to let in fresh air, "I grew up here."_

_Mitsuhiko blinked, "But, you grew up with the Mouri's!"_

_Conan smiled and looked over to Mitsuhiko, "Come on."_

_Mitsuhiko followed Conan upstairs a bit wearily, feeling rather awkward in the large mansion. Shinichi just smiled to himself and went over to his room. He looked to the other boy, and opened the door before going in and walking over to one of the dresser's, rummaging around for something._

_Mitsuhiko shifted nervously, "Conan-kun…"_

_He sighed, "It's alright Mitsuhiko… This is Shinichi's room. **My **room."_

_Mitsuhiko blinked, "What do you mean..?"_

_He smiled and pulled out a photo album. Setting it on the floor, he plopped himself down, "Now Mitsuhiko, come here. I'm going to share with you something only a few people know. It's a burden Haibara and I shared, a secret that could lead to the deaths of everyone around us… You see… I really _am_ Kudo…"_

He coughed as he slowly came into consciousness. Breathing somewhat heavily as he looked at the time, he realized he had fallen asleep on Ran's bed, though now _under _the comforter. Taking a moment to let his brain catch up to him, he assessed someone had discovered him sick and had started to take care of him.

Closing his eyes once more, he listened around the house for voices. Picking up Mitsuhiko's now deepening tones and a female's, he found himself slowly falling asleep again from his fever. Yet, it was after a few moments that he snapped awake and threw the covers off of himself.

A female…?

Could it be…?

He ran down the hall dizzily, almost tripping and falling down the stairs as he ran towards the voices. Picking himself up quickly, he stumbled into the kitchen doorway before crashing himself into it and making himself lean upon the wall, breathing heavily. His eyes were glossy from illness and sleep, yet, he could perfectly see her standing there with Mitsuhiko.

"Ran…?"

She had been startled with his sudden (disheveled and rather loud) appearance when she turned to look at him, surprise covering her features, "Conan-kun!"

Everything seemed to stop in that split moment.

Conan and Shinichi became one in her mind's eye right then, the glasses being gone off of his face.

She dropped the towel she had been holding and slowly made her way over to him, her arm slowly reaching out for him. He watched, feeling as though he was moving in slow motion, half confused at her actions, momentarily forgetting everything. Ran's eyes started to fill with tears as he took a step away from the doorway and into the kitchen. He blinked as she brushed her hand against the side of his face and into his hair behind his head as she seemingly, slowly wrapped her arms around him, her tears soaking into his hair.

"…Ran-neechan…?"

It was Shinichi's voice- She still could remember it, even now from his first case, from the time of that whole lemon pie fiasco… She could remember it so clearly, as his voice haunted her still as she slept at night, "…What are you, Conan-kun…?"

He tensed up for a moment before relaxing, unable to keep up the strength to stay stressed, "What do you mean…?"

"You've always… _always_ been there for me… An enigma of a boy who I could never completely grasp the identity of… What are you Conan…. Shinichi…?"

His eyes widened, tears suddenly coming to his eyes. Who was he…? He honestly couldn't even figure that out for himself, let alone her! He bit his lip and buried his head into the crook of her neck, holding onto her as if she were his only lifeline. Guilty tears spilled forth from him, tears of regret and pain. Years of being burdened of being alone, without any other lifeline to help him stay afloat… All of it rushed out in that moment, in the moment where he was weakest.

It _was_ his weakest moment… and yet… It could also make him stronger than he'd ever been before.

"Conan-kun…"

"I don't… I can't answer that Ran..."

She held onto him tighter, "How can you not know!"

He choked, biting back a frustrated yell, "I've lost myself Ran! I don't know who _I_ am anymore! This body that feels so _wrong_ has slowly become _right_, the person I _was_ has slowly become _lost_ within Conan…! I don't know anymore Ran! Shinichi is just another part of myself that's become lost!"

Ran looked at Conan as he wiped at his tears on a frustrated manner before looking to her, "It's been so _long_ since I've even been _called_ Shinichi by _anyone_ other than Heiji… Everything was shot to _hell_ when Haibara died…"

Ran stared at him, aghast at all that he revealed. She closed her eyes, thinking back over the years as she remembered all of the times he had seemed so lonely.. Lost.. Almost _desolate_ in some of his actions after calling her, and yet at the same time, trying to be happy and unaware… Even if he was _completely _aware of everything. She slowly placed a hand on his cheek, making it so he would look up to her. She smiled sadly at his confusion, "We've both been.. Waiting so long… haven't we?"

Conan… No. Shinichi blinked as he looked deep within her eyes, remembering all that he'd locked away in his memory so long ago. Regret flashed like a dieing ember in his eyes, "Ran…"

Her smile deepened a bit as she slowly lowered her head and kissed him for a moment before moving back a bit. He blinked, shocked and confused for a moment by her kiss, "I've told you before… I'll wait for you Shinichi… But I'm getting tired."

Shinichi fumbled for a moment, rebooting his brain, "Y-…I'm getting tired too… Ran…"

She smiled, "Maybe we don't need to wait as much anymore…?"

Shinichi smiled, "I guess knowing to wait a few years isn't as bad as not knowing if you'd ever have to stop waiting… is it?"

Ran nodded, "Yes- Though I _do _want to know just how and _why_ you became Conan-kun in the first place, _Kudo Shinichi_."

Shinichi laughed nervously, "Uh… Sure… Maybe after I get better…? I'm.. feeling kind of dizzy here…"

Ran blinked, having forgotten that he was sick with a fever, "Oh my gosh! I'm so sorry!"

Mitsuhiko blinked, and started laughing, catching the two off guard, "Forget waiting… You two already act as if your married."

Shinichi's body, at that moment, decided it was a good time to pass out from his fever.

Damn sickness. Got him every time!

* * *

_Takato: ….Hope you liked my random drabble D: I needed to write something, and started it a few days ago. (Also, I only re-read some of it, so sorry for any weird misspellings and grammer dealies… my head's all screwy. Also.. I have a 7AM final tomorrow D: My brain doesn't function that early! -sobs-)_

_Yet, now I've been playing Shadow the Hedgehog.. And lemme tell you… The game makes me die inside. -sobs- My poor dark hedgehog and yellow fox have to have crappy dubbing, and the hedgie has to have a horrendous game that's blasphemous to its creators! WHY GOD! WHY! -sobs-_

_Iche Leibe Deich (sp? X.x0) is German for I love you, and uhm… I do actually own a Moogle plushie. X3_

_Review! _


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